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7 Divorce Mediation Tips

There are many issues to consider, plan for, and prepare for prior to entering divorce mediation.When preparing for divorce mediation, it’s wise to consider these 7 tips. Mediation doesn’t always work for every couple. To give you the best chance of finding success in mediation be sure to spend plenty of time on each recommendation, exploring each thoroughly. This requires a lot of soul-searching, as well as financial preparation.

1. Be prepared to compromise and come to an agreement; not win.

It goes without saying that bad feelings often accompany divorcing couples. There can be a sense of wanting to get even, to win, or to be repaid for the sadness you’ve experienced as a result of the marriage. Many divorcing individuals want to find a sense of fairness that they feel doesn’t exist at present.

When negotiating a divorce–seeking to “win” the settlement, be compensated for suffering, or to return to a state of fairness is not likely to happen. This is especially true when children are involved. 

When you approach divorce mediation, you need to be prepared to come to a compromise in order to sign an agreement. You’re going to have to give and take. You’re going to have to be willing to give up some wishes that you might feel you deserve, to receive the majority of the items that are most important to you.

2. Set aside your personal emotions; prepare to work rationally.

There are certainly a lot of emotions swirling around a divorce. One can go through the stages of grief for as long as a couple of years. These stages of grief don’t just happen in a successive order. You can cycle in and out of them randomly. Sadness, anger, and remorse over the loss of your marriage are important and understandable feelings to have during this crucial period in your life. They help you heal and recover from the loss.

Passionate Interaction in Mediations Pushes Couples into Litigation

These emotions, however, can be very counter-productive when trying to negotiate a divorce agreement. The process of mediation is a rational one. Both individuals have to be willing to set aside their emotions and come to an agreement that is practical and possible. Rage, wanting revenge, strong unrealistic hopes of reuniting, and wanting to stall the negotiation will make mediation an ineffective process, requiring that the couple move to litigation, a much more lengthy, expensive, and emotionally challenging process.

3. Create a list of all assets, possessions, and debts.

Uncontrolled Emotions Will Push You from Mediation into LitigationIt’s important to get a clear and comprehensive overview of your all of the items that you and your spouse jointly own. If you’ve been married for a number of years, this can really add up and get complicated. But that does not mean that mediation won’t work in helping you find reasonable resolution on negotiating the separation of these varied assets.

Don’t Let Lack of Information Stall the Process

In order to help the mediation process, it’s vital that you create an accurate list before-hand so that nothing gets left out in the divorce agreement, and nothing holds up the process later, requiring unexpected negotiation.

Holdings and Financial Obligations to Be Aware of and Count

Be very clear on the exact quantity and value of the following assets, accounts, possession, and debts:

  • Bank Accounts
  • Real Estate
  • Personal Property
  • Financial Products Retirement Accounts
  • Credit Cards
  • Annuities
  • Stocks
  • All Investments
  • Vehicles
  • Life Insurance Policies

4. Form a budget.

One of the biggest challenges as you separate into two households is predicting the financial implications. It can be challenging to know exactly what your actual expenses will be. Try to estimate as conservatively as possible. And be as precise as you can.

Accurate Spending Plan Is Essential in the Mediation Appointments

The best way to do this is through a written spending plan. This will not only be helpful for you as you organize your new life plan, but it will also be vital in the mediation process. It will help you and your attorney know what your needs are and what your goals should be in the final divorce agreement. It also helps the mediator to communicate with the other party realistic and rational options that are needed to bring the divorce process to a conclusion.

More coming soon. Be watching for regular updates to this page.

5. Decide what your priorities are.

6. Make a list of concerns and be prepared to share.

7. Find a divorce mediator with a history of success.

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